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How do we process birth when we don’t experience the outcome we intended? How do we manage changing our plans and accepting what comes to us during the wild and uncontrollable ride that is birth?
This week we’re speaking with Danielle, accompanied by her doula Tracey. Danielle was raised in a homebirth family, so naturally, she was planning her own. We’ll listen to how her story unfolded and how she’s processing through it all now on the other side. I always like to give a heads up when the content of an episode may be especially difficult. This is certainly an episode where things go awry, and if you’re nearing the end of your pregnancy and feel that this isn’t the right time to listen, please take that into consideration. However, these are, of course, real examples of birth, and gosh, birth is sacred no matter how it happens. I’m grateful that Danielle is willing to share her experience with us today.
- Danielle’s midwife wasn’t her savior, and yours isn’t yours, either. Hopefully your midwife will support you in the way that you want to be supported, but even so, birth is still ultimately your responsibility. Danielle had to decide what she wanted in regards to her birth— did she want to stay home and continue to attempt labor there, or did she want to transport? Ultimately, she made the decision that she was most comfortable with, knowing that no one else could make it for her.
- The events that occurred throughout her birth experience were unfavorable to her desires, to put it lightly. But because of the way that she has chosen to perceive her experience, Danielle has been able to integrate her story into her motherhood journey in a way that brings positivity and success. Remember, it’s impossible for us to control every outcome. What’s totally possible, though, is how we perceive the experience and how we choose to integrate it. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy, and you absolutely may need help, and grief over not experiencing what you desired is a very normal reaction. But long term suffering over something that’s done— remaining in the victim state— it isn’t going to easily build joy. I love the way that Danielle has approached her story and the way that she’s choosing to heal. Because it is, in fact, an active choice.
- Finally, I want you to know that if your story is like Danielle’s. If you planned and prepared for a homebirth, yet your experience led you to a different outcome, this community is still for you and here for you. You are loved and you are still an integral part of the Happy Homebirth and Homebirth in general, community. Thank you for sharing with us.